I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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