You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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