Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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