If that was your dad, he is hot
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
