My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
