I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
