Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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