Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize