You can't motorboat a personality
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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