too bad you live with your parents still
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
