If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
