I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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