Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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