first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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