you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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