I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
try to milk me bitch
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