So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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