Non-Jews are for practice
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
