It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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