So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
