So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
