totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
