shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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