I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
