She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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