Christians are straight up FREAKS
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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