And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
