We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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