Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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