he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
