on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
