RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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