At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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