So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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