those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
