She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
