can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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