FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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