I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
