Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
