Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
