He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize