If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
