help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
What a dumb baby whore.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
