Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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