So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize