we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
