i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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