She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So much rum. So many feels.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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