You really coming over, don't trick.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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