I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
