Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
