the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
