mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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