I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
