glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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