drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
