K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
