Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
