She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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