Porn is love you can see.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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