So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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