remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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