I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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