I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
