Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
