What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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