super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
