I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
