you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
