It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
