But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
